In 1964, Eric Berne introduced the concept of transactional analysis in his book relational scripts, offering a way to understand and transform the dynamics that drive human relationships. Among these scripts is “Advice Resistance,” a pattern of soliciting advice only to reject it—a script of resistance that deflects change.
In this installment of The Fractal Project, we’ll explore how this script appears not only in relationships but also in the microbial and institutional layers of life. From bacteria resisting antibiotics to people rejecting help and systems avoiding reform, this script reveals how survival instincts can block transformation.
In every conversation where advice is offered, there’s a script lurking just below the surface. It’s called “advice resistance” (advice resistance). The rules are simple: one person shares a problem, others offer solutions, and the first person shoots them all down with a well-timed “Yes, but…” It’s a cycle that frustrates everyone and changes nothing. At its core, this script is about resistance—asking for help while ensuring no progress is made.
But advice resistance isn’t just a human quirk. It’s a pattern that plays out in microbes, relationships, and institutions alike.
Testimony Thread
Testimony begins where “yes, but” becomes “yes, Lord.” Not every suggestion is wise, but perpetual impossibility can be a spiritual hiding place.
Microbial Layer: Antibiotic Resistance and the Survival Script
Imagine bacteria faced with antibiotics, designed to destroy them. At first, the treatment works, but over time, the bacteria evolve defenses. Each wave of antibiotics is met with a microbial “Yes, but,” as they find new ways to resist eradication.
Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA), for example, has become infamous for its ability to outsmart treatments. It’s not malice—it’s survival. But this survival strategy mirrors the way humans, too, resist solutions when they threaten to change us.
Human Layer: Deflecting Help to Stay Comfortable
The script of advice resistance plays out in our personal lives whenever we ask for advice but cling to excuses. A friend struggling in a toxic relationship might solicit ideas for change, only to counter each one with, “Yes, but I can’t leave because…” The advice is rejected not because it’s bad, but because accepting it would require transformation—and transformation is hard.
advice resistance is the script of comfort. It’s a shield we use to deflect change, even when change is what we need most.
Institutional Layer: Surface-Level Reforms
Institutions are just as guilty. A company facing criticism for its environmental impact might launch a flashy recycling program. But beneath the surface, its core practices remain unchanged. It’s corporate advice resistance—a superficial fix that resists meaningful reform.
Whether in people or systems, advice resistance thrives on avoidance. Real solutions are too uncomfortable, too risky, too transformative. So we play the script instead.
Spiritual Insight: Surrender as the True Solution
Spiritually, advice resistance reflects a deeper resistance: our reluctance to surrender to God. We ask Him to fix our lives, heal our relationships, and give us peace—but only on our terms. We say, “Yes, but I don’t want to give up control,” or “Yes, but not if it means letting go of this habit.”
True healing begins when we stop playing scripts. Psalm 51:10 offers a prayer that cuts through the resistance: “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” It’s an invitation to transformation—not on our terms, but His.
Conclusion: Vision and Call to Action
The script of advice resistance keeps us stuck, but we don’t have to keep playing. Healing begins when we let go of excuses and embrace the discomfort of change. Imagine what your life could look like if you stopped saying “Yes, but” and started saying, “Yes, God.”
Where the Pattern Still Works
Some requests for advice are honest. Others are a ritual for proving that no door will work. Every suggestion is received, inspected, and returned with a reason it cannot be done.
Resistance is not always foolish. Living systems resist what may harm them. But a defense can become overgeneralized until even medicine is treated as attack.
Advice resistance lets a person appear teachable while remaining untouched. “Yes, but” can sound thoughtful; repeated long enough, it becomes a locked gate with conversational hinges.
Organizations do the same thing with consultants, listening sessions, committees, and strategic reviews. The system asks for help, then uses complexity to keep every prescription outside the body.
Testimony begins where “yes, but” becomes “yes, Lord.” Not every suggestion is wise, but perpetual impossibility can be a spiritual hiding place.
Advice resistance is exposed when the need to stay stuck becomes more visible than the need for help.
Where are you asking for counsel mainly to prove that obedience is impossible?